This is strikingly similar to how classical monotheists in the broadly Platonic tradition (Plotinus, Origen, Maimonides, etc.) describe God. God is considered as perfectly self-sufficient and blessed. And yet, out of goodness, God creates the universe (either eternally and involuntarily, per the Platonists, or temporally and voluntarily, per the biblical theologians).
God needs nothing from creation. And yet somehow this doesn't lead to a conception of God as aloof. Not only is God approachable; those who approach God through theurgy, sacrament, or covenant find themselves divinized.
I don't have any really profound conclusion to draw from this. But I think it's interesting that one popular strand of ancient philosophy conceived of the ultimate principle of reality as non-needy relationship, as enjoyment that flows from intrinsic abundance rather than remedied lack.
Five stories that crossed my mind while reading the article and your comment, Charles:
In C.S. Lewis's "Screwtape Letter", the demon counselling his nephew says that children are the hardest to tempt because they're the most present.
In relation to that, in "Finite and Eternal Being", Edith Stein writes that the present moment is the only one that truly exists and therefore, is the realest. It's the the only moment that comes closest to touching God (the truest and realest Being) and eternity, and coming back full circle to Uncle Screwtape, that's why children are considered to be closest to God and the hardest to tempt.
My friend's mother met Mother Teresa decades ago, and what struck her the most was the nun's ability to turn away from a busy crowd, grab both her hands, joyfully look her in the eyes and genuinely ask, "how are you?" without any apparent concern or worry about the thousand other things she had going on.
In "Brideshead Revisited", Evenly Waugh very astutely points out that the central mother figure in the story is "holy" but not a "saint", because people enjoy being around saints.
And finally, many squirm at the idea of joining religious organizations because they associate the concept of "God" with demands, but it's the intermediaries who are at fault for that. Jesus admonished the Pharisees for their hypocritical and unrealistic demands, while telling His own followers to come to Him after labouring and toiling because He wanted to give them rest.
Charles, this is quite a while ago you posted this, but if you might have a moment to share -- how does this mesh with the view that God is to be worshipped and praised? I'm not very knowledgable about religion and I've only begun recently to look into Christianity (which itself has so many denominations of ideologies and whatnot). But it strikes me as odd that there is a huge emphasis on praise and worship that comes off to me as seeming like God is nearly selfish/prideful (the kind of God that the communities I've experienced conceptualizes). Is this completely distinct from the way you think about it?
In this tradition, God is not some guy going around, insecurely demanding that people worship him. God is, rather, the transcendental source and actuality of all perfections. So, experiencing God compels worship in the same way that experiencing the Grand Canyon or Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata or the golden ratio compels worship.
That is, if the human being itself has a spark of divinity, which predisposes it to seek and love beauty, goodness, and truth, then worshiping the true, good, and beautiful is a natural and unforced act. On the other hand, worshiping any God-concept divorced from these would be a kind of idolatrous perversion.
Either way, though, the Neoplatonic God does not need worship or gain anything from it. Worship is for the good of the creature, bringing it to its completion. In some of these theologies, the end goal of the worshiper is theosis, becoming one with the divine.
This is such an interesting and enlightening post! I adore your use of archetypes here, I would have never thought to intertwine archetypes with this topic. My best friend and I recently had a conversation about why we're both charismatic people while having extremely different personalities. What I've boiled it down to is that inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy. I've noticed the times where I lose my charisma is regarding dating and romance, because I'm extremely insecure about myself in that area of my life. But in the art world and academia, I have confidence that does not exude the heaviness of desperation. It's also genuine curiousness that fuels charismatic people's attentive nature. When I'm in a regulated emotional state, I have no worries, expectations, or need for control. This freedom allows me to be curious. When I'm disregulated and anxious, I lose my capacity for curiousness because I'm searching for something to remedy my discomfort. That is when the "neediness" shines through and corrupts any remnants of my charisma. Thank you so much for this analysis, I now aspire to demand less of people and to stay curious!
I'm glad to hear it resonates. It's surprising how our charisma levels can totally vary in different aspects of our lives like you said. There's no one "charismatic personality" so as long as you're relaxed and genuine you and your friend can both be very charismatic!
Spot on: What I've boiled it down to is that inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy
> inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy.
Yes! I've been using "projecting a feeling of control" when referring to charisma in threads arguing about dating dynamics. I can't stand redpill incels who refuse to believe that male and female gaze are different, and that men need to be charismatic as per your quote here regardless of context (professional, social, platonic, romantic, serviceperson...)
Man this cuts deep. I used to be so charismatic when I was younger because I was innocent, I loved people and everyone fascinated me. Even boring fascinated me by how boring they were!
But I’ve been cut down by grief, I think I’ve been scared to really listen to anybody these days, god forbid I meet someone I actually like and lose them. I’ve been feeling needy and alone even when I’m with company. This is a great blueprint for finding my groove again.
“Cut down by grief” yes I relate to this very much. The charismatic people that come to mind in my life are those that haven’t been killed yet by a million paper cuts, that have been shielded from life’s worst moments by socioeconomic class.
Charisma can pull someone in, lead to a relationship perhaps, but a relationship cannot live on charisma. There inevitably come hard times where someone needs someone else and cannot authentically maintain the image that they don’t. We assign a lot of value to charisma nowadays, “rizz” and such and it can help in lots of endeavors (say, being likeable at work), but when it comes to rock bottom, it won’t save us.
I was going to say something very similar. What the author is calling “stickiness” can also be called “neediness” and is it really our ideal to never be needed? True close relationships are almost always messy and imperfect and full on needs
Yeah. I think you boiled it down perfectly, to two points: a genuine desire to interact with people, and a stable core. The later is way more important imo (because everyone, to an extent, wants the former, human as social animals bla blah blah). There is also an element of novelty I think, that underlies the personality of the charismatic person, that gives the extra glow to their auras compared to the masses that blend seamlessly into the background. As if it stands in sharper contrast amidst a mostly blurry background. And actually, I think also, point 3, the abundance mindset, energy flows outwards rather than into these charisma batteries ...
Altho personally, I think it is a little more subtle. I think the charismatic does pull in your energy, aka. your attention, but they reward you for it, above and beyond what you put in.
And the opposite type is what me and my friends call the blackhole: someone that fulfills criteria 1 and 2 but is an bottomless void when it comes to demanding energy from others.
And to add a little more nuance, I think the same person often straddles the line between the two. In physics terms, energy balance needs to be maintained, and the more you capacity you have, the more you demand. So the charismatic and the blackhole are the two opposite ends of this strategy wrt to the social demands they extract along with your attention
I think about it like jigsaw pieces. So many people spend their entire life looking for their "soul mate" - that perfect jigsaw piece that "fits them" and somehow makes them whole or completes their picture.
Not enough people do the work on themselves to make more spaces in their edges to become more compatible with a wider range of pieces (people).
Note that I don't mean this in a self-negating way, trying to "please everyone" and losing yourself in the process, but in a positive, self-affirming way by knowing who you are, where your needs arise from, and which are healthy and which are not, which are essential and which are "nice to have". Some of the most charismatic people I've met radiate a sense of calm self-possession. They know who they are and their own sense of self-worth, so when they turn their attention to you their attention feels authentic and unforced by a hidden agenda.
(note that this doesn't apply to all charismatic people... Robin Williams was wildly charismatic but calm certainly wouldn't be the phrase in anyone's mind when they remember him!)
Love what you wrote. I feel so far away from all that, though, because how does one actually, literally do the work of "learning/knowing who you are, where your needs arise from, and which are healthy and which are not, which are essential and which are 'nice to have'"? I don't know where or how to begin.
This pissed me off at first, only because I'm the most anxious person I know, and that tends to get in the way of my interactions with other people. I find that a lot of the naturally charismatic people I've met, especially recently during high school, did have that inner peace. However, it wasn't by their own doing but mostly because they had stable, untainted lives.
Whenever someone is traumatized to a degree, it's difficult to work through all that baggage and come out with a 'clean' version of their consciousness, which is the other side. To "un-knot" all things tangled.
Not saying that everyone with bad childhoods is uncharismatic; it's just that more often than not, when you're fulfilled in a certain way, it's easier to navigate a vibrant social life. There are no built in fears or worries tying you down.
Which is what I envy most. ;(
Here's to hoping that I'm able to overcome all my social inhibitions before I actually start adult-ing and a career. lol(!?!)
I’m 43 and I felt the same way. It seems to suggest that charisma is obtainable if you’re always up and positive and this thinking seems to indicate that the author believes mental health issues not to be physiological, but rather a choose those of us who struggle with social anxiety are making. This couldn’t be further from the truth: why would I pick that? Don’t you think I want to be a vessel for other people? Shouldn’t the emphasis here be more on compassion and helping those who apparently need it than writing them off as, to put it frankly, depressing needy losers?
I really hear this! I wonder if charisma isn’t getting rid of all the baggage or having everything “un-knotted” but perhaps open to holding the openness/needlessness that is inherent to charisma. Or perhaps, charisma is a something you can have in varying degrees, or that you can hold/practice simultaneously. ✨
I really appreciate that you brought up the angle of naturally charismatic people in high school, which although it was a while ago for me now, was something that always confounded me. Like, how was it so easy for them?! And the role of trauma in childhood affecting social navigating...
From my experience with trying to 'un-knot' for years and now feeling largely at peace with myself: my fulfillment wasn't on the other side of untangling the knots or working through all the baggage (thinking of my once debilitating social anxiety and overwhelm) it was through practicing offering compassion to the inner knotted-ness and listening to my anxiety like a patient, caring friend instead of trying to get rid of it/'fix' it/overcome it. And lots of other things picked up along the way helped too, like books. It takes time but things can change in huge ways 💚
I have a history of dating people with false charisma, unfortunately. They tend to appear very cheerful and talkative and profess to be in love with everyone and then I find out how cynical, resentful, and shut down they are. I resonated with the description of rigid... they are surprisingly rigid and demanding in such a way that doesn't put any demand on themselves to mature, grow, embrace agency. I resonate strongly with feeling like they are hungry ghosts. They don't let anyone or anything in.
I've been hurt a lot and am scared all the time, but I'm present with my fear, and I still let people in slowly and with intention.
I usually pick up the false charisma/"i need you to make me feel better" energy but have work to do around trusting my intuition/trusting what I'm noticing, and so I have let these people stay longer in my life than they ought to have.
Beautiful read! I can rethink of an interaction I had this past year which started off well but ended up sour and It mainly happened through me losing the relationship I had with my core which in turn made me repulsive to be around. Humbling but it really exposed certain aspects I still have to work on within myself.
Another insight I got is that when there's no relationship - or a bad one at that-, you'll try to hold onto something that is outside of you - material possessions, relationships, positions etc - to feel a sense of wholeness but in reality it is your core crying out for your attention and further cultivation.
this essay is so gorgeous, i hardly have any words to describe or add to it! thank you for writing this. it makes me want to write more, better, and has mirrored back to me some reflections on presence & charisma i am excited to notice and embody more of in my life. wow!
Wow thanks so much Isabel! I’m glad it matched your own impressions and I look forward to seeing any writing you do around this topic. I think you’re super charismatic already but I guess we’re about to see a new level unleash 🤭
<3 wow, thank you so much. i have sent this to a few of my most charismatic friends today and it sparked such lovely conversations and reflections. sending you lots of gratitude and warm holiday love!!!
what type of relationship is possible with a charismatic person who is confident and doesn’t demand anything from you? is it one where you idolize the security they have but you are no different than every other person they know? maybe too cynical but i question if there might be a power dynamic
There is a difference between charisma and charm. Charismatic people persuade you to that they are worth following to the ends of the earth. Charming people persuade you that you are worth following to the ends of the earth. Both charm & charisma need self-confidence to operate. People want to be wanted, not needed.
all of thisssss esp that ending “You have to actually like people, be present, and set down whatever stands between you and vibrant, pulsing reality.” ❤️🔥
I have a bone to pick with Clinton being the beacon of charisma to which we all aspire. Do we all hoping to use and dispose of women by exploiting said “charisma” and power our whole lives? In fact, I hope to never meet a man like Clinton.
And I wonder if there’s some confusion here with charisma and leadership or power. Charisma is a glimmer, shine, glow certain people have or that certain people can have during periods of their life. It is an undefinable quality which is what makes it so alluring and sparkly. And my bet is it is purely physiological: those people we seem “charismatic” are emitting some kind of magnetic energy many, if not all of us can feel.
I think the important part here is reminding people that NOT everyone has to be charismatic. And, in terms of my life, most of the charismatic people I have met have been dangerous in terms of actually not caring about other people, but rather floating through life on a kind of dream cloud, soaking up the best of it. This article seems indicate that the benevolent charismatic is morally or downright humanly superior to others. I do not agree. And I don’t think someone can even work on increasing their charisma. It’s natural and uncontrollable.
This is strikingly similar to how classical monotheists in the broadly Platonic tradition (Plotinus, Origen, Maimonides, etc.) describe God. God is considered as perfectly self-sufficient and blessed. And yet, out of goodness, God creates the universe (either eternally and involuntarily, per the Platonists, or temporally and voluntarily, per the biblical theologians).
God needs nothing from creation. And yet somehow this doesn't lead to a conception of God as aloof. Not only is God approachable; those who approach God through theurgy, sacrament, or covenant find themselves divinized.
I don't have any really profound conclusion to draw from this. But I think it's interesting that one popular strand of ancient philosophy conceived of the ultimate principle of reality as non-needy relationship, as enjoyment that flows from intrinsic abundance rather than remedied lack.
Five stories that crossed my mind while reading the article and your comment, Charles:
In C.S. Lewis's "Screwtape Letter", the demon counselling his nephew says that children are the hardest to tempt because they're the most present.
In relation to that, in "Finite and Eternal Being", Edith Stein writes that the present moment is the only one that truly exists and therefore, is the realest. It's the the only moment that comes closest to touching God (the truest and realest Being) and eternity, and coming back full circle to Uncle Screwtape, that's why children are considered to be closest to God and the hardest to tempt.
My friend's mother met Mother Teresa decades ago, and what struck her the most was the nun's ability to turn away from a busy crowd, grab both her hands, joyfully look her in the eyes and genuinely ask, "how are you?" without any apparent concern or worry about the thousand other things she had going on.
In "Brideshead Revisited", Evenly Waugh very astutely points out that the central mother figure in the story is "holy" but not a "saint", because people enjoy being around saints.
And finally, many squirm at the idea of joining religious organizations because they associate the concept of "God" with demands, but it's the intermediaries who are at fault for that. Jesus admonished the Pharisees for their hypocritical and unrealistic demands, while telling His own followers to come to Him after labouring and toiling because He wanted to give them rest.
yes, i love any conception of Divine Reality that is non-possessive, but is still deeply delighted, affected, generous. <3
Charles, this is quite a while ago you posted this, but if you might have a moment to share -- how does this mesh with the view that God is to be worshipped and praised? I'm not very knowledgable about religion and I've only begun recently to look into Christianity (which itself has so many denominations of ideologies and whatnot). But it strikes me as odd that there is a huge emphasis on praise and worship that comes off to me as seeming like God is nearly selfish/prideful (the kind of God that the communities I've experienced conceptualizes). Is this completely distinct from the way you think about it?
In this tradition, God is not some guy going around, insecurely demanding that people worship him. God is, rather, the transcendental source and actuality of all perfections. So, experiencing God compels worship in the same way that experiencing the Grand Canyon or Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata or the golden ratio compels worship.
That is, if the human being itself has a spark of divinity, which predisposes it to seek and love beauty, goodness, and truth, then worshiping the true, good, and beautiful is a natural and unforced act. On the other hand, worshiping any God-concept divorced from these would be a kind of idolatrous perversion.
Either way, though, the Neoplatonic God does not need worship or gain anything from it. Worship is for the good of the creature, bringing it to its completion. In some of these theologies, the end goal of the worshiper is theosis, becoming one with the divine.
I think this Substack comment healed my brain from years of obligatory church performance
And Jesus christ is also kind of described like this!! someone who is always tapped into the source, abundant
This is a great comparison I'd have never connected both of this things!
This is such an interesting and enlightening post! I adore your use of archetypes here, I would have never thought to intertwine archetypes with this topic. My best friend and I recently had a conversation about why we're both charismatic people while having extremely different personalities. What I've boiled it down to is that inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy. I've noticed the times where I lose my charisma is regarding dating and romance, because I'm extremely insecure about myself in that area of my life. But in the art world and academia, I have confidence that does not exude the heaviness of desperation. It's also genuine curiousness that fuels charismatic people's attentive nature. When I'm in a regulated emotional state, I have no worries, expectations, or need for control. This freedom allows me to be curious. When I'm disregulated and anxious, I lose my capacity for curiousness because I'm searching for something to remedy my discomfort. That is when the "neediness" shines through and corrupts any remnants of my charisma. Thank you so much for this analysis, I now aspire to demand less of people and to stay curious!
I'm glad to hear it resonates. It's surprising how our charisma levels can totally vary in different aspects of our lives like you said. There's no one "charismatic personality" so as long as you're relaxed and genuine you and your friend can both be very charismatic!
Spot on: What I've boiled it down to is that inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy
> inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy.
Yes! I've been using "projecting a feeling of control" when referring to charisma in threads arguing about dating dynamics. I can't stand redpill incels who refuse to believe that male and female gaze are different, and that men need to be charismatic as per your quote here regardless of context (professional, social, platonic, romantic, serviceperson...)
Man this cuts deep. I used to be so charismatic when I was younger because I was innocent, I loved people and everyone fascinated me. Even boring fascinated me by how boring they were!
But I’ve been cut down by grief, I think I’ve been scared to really listen to anybody these days, god forbid I meet someone I actually like and lose them. I’ve been feeling needy and alone even when I’m with company. This is a great blueprint for finding my groove again.
“Cut down by grief” yes I relate to this very much. The charismatic people that come to mind in my life are those that haven’t been killed yet by a million paper cuts, that have been shielded from life’s worst moments by socioeconomic class.
Yeah, the last time I generally, GENUINELY liked people (besides my home church and a few close friends), was decades ago, when I was a preteen
Charisma can pull someone in, lead to a relationship perhaps, but a relationship cannot live on charisma. There inevitably come hard times where someone needs someone else and cannot authentically maintain the image that they don’t. We assign a lot of value to charisma nowadays, “rizz” and such and it can help in lots of endeavors (say, being likeable at work), but when it comes to rock bottom, it won’t save us.
I was going to say something very similar. What the author is calling “stickiness” can also be called “neediness” and is it really our ideal to never be needed? True close relationships are almost always messy and imperfect and full on needs
I appreciate this perspective
Yeah. I think you boiled it down perfectly, to two points: a genuine desire to interact with people, and a stable core. The later is way more important imo (because everyone, to an extent, wants the former, human as social animals bla blah blah). There is also an element of novelty I think, that underlies the personality of the charismatic person, that gives the extra glow to their auras compared to the masses that blend seamlessly into the background. As if it stands in sharper contrast amidst a mostly blurry background. And actually, I think also, point 3, the abundance mindset, energy flows outwards rather than into these charisma batteries ...
Altho personally, I think it is a little more subtle. I think the charismatic does pull in your energy, aka. your attention, but they reward you for it, above and beyond what you put in.
And the opposite type is what me and my friends call the blackhole: someone that fulfills criteria 1 and 2 but is an bottomless void when it comes to demanding energy from others.
And to add a little more nuance, I think the same person often straddles the line between the two. In physics terms, energy balance needs to be maintained, and the more you capacity you have, the more you demand. So the charismatic and the blackhole are the two opposite ends of this strategy wrt to the social demands they extract along with your attention
It is incredibly frustrating to be stuck at that threshold.
“The most likable, charismatic, enjoyable people to be around are people who demand nothing of you.”
Outcome independence.
I think about it like jigsaw pieces. So many people spend their entire life looking for their "soul mate" - that perfect jigsaw piece that "fits them" and somehow makes them whole or completes their picture.
Not enough people do the work on themselves to make more spaces in their edges to become more compatible with a wider range of pieces (people).
Note that I don't mean this in a self-negating way, trying to "please everyone" and losing yourself in the process, but in a positive, self-affirming way by knowing who you are, where your needs arise from, and which are healthy and which are not, which are essential and which are "nice to have". Some of the most charismatic people I've met radiate a sense of calm self-possession. They know who they are and their own sense of self-worth, so when they turn their attention to you their attention feels authentic and unforced by a hidden agenda.
(note that this doesn't apply to all charismatic people... Robin Williams was wildly charismatic but calm certainly wouldn't be the phrase in anyone's mind when they remember him!)
Love what you wrote. I feel so far away from all that, though, because how does one actually, literally do the work of "learning/knowing who you are, where your needs arise from, and which are healthy and which are not, which are essential and which are 'nice to have'"? I don't know where or how to begin.
This pissed me off at first, only because I'm the most anxious person I know, and that tends to get in the way of my interactions with other people. I find that a lot of the naturally charismatic people I've met, especially recently during high school, did have that inner peace. However, it wasn't by their own doing but mostly because they had stable, untainted lives.
Whenever someone is traumatized to a degree, it's difficult to work through all that baggage and come out with a 'clean' version of their consciousness, which is the other side. To "un-knot" all things tangled.
Not saying that everyone with bad childhoods is uncharismatic; it's just that more often than not, when you're fulfilled in a certain way, it's easier to navigate a vibrant social life. There are no built in fears or worries tying you down.
Which is what I envy most. ;(
Here's to hoping that I'm able to overcome all my social inhibitions before I actually start adult-ing and a career. lol(!?!)
I’m 43 and I felt the same way. It seems to suggest that charisma is obtainable if you’re always up and positive and this thinking seems to indicate that the author believes mental health issues not to be physiological, but rather a choose those of us who struggle with social anxiety are making. This couldn’t be further from the truth: why would I pick that? Don’t you think I want to be a vessel for other people? Shouldn’t the emphasis here be more on compassion and helping those who apparently need it than writing them off as, to put it frankly, depressing needy losers?
I really hear this! I wonder if charisma isn’t getting rid of all the baggage or having everything “un-knotted” but perhaps open to holding the openness/needlessness that is inherent to charisma. Or perhaps, charisma is a something you can have in varying degrees, or that you can hold/practice simultaneously. ✨
I really appreciate that you brought up the angle of naturally charismatic people in high school, which although it was a while ago for me now, was something that always confounded me. Like, how was it so easy for them?! And the role of trauma in childhood affecting social navigating...
From my experience with trying to 'un-knot' for years and now feeling largely at peace with myself: my fulfillment wasn't on the other side of untangling the knots or working through all the baggage (thinking of my once debilitating social anxiety and overwhelm) it was through practicing offering compassion to the inner knotted-ness and listening to my anxiety like a patient, caring friend instead of trying to get rid of it/'fix' it/overcome it. And lots of other things picked up along the way helped too, like books. It takes time but things can change in huge ways 💚
I have a history of dating people with false charisma, unfortunately. They tend to appear very cheerful and talkative and profess to be in love with everyone and then I find out how cynical, resentful, and shut down they are. I resonated with the description of rigid... they are surprisingly rigid and demanding in such a way that doesn't put any demand on themselves to mature, grow, embrace agency. I resonate strongly with feeling like they are hungry ghosts. They don't let anyone or anything in.
I've been hurt a lot and am scared all the time, but I'm present with my fear, and I still let people in slowly and with intention.
I usually pick up the false charisma/"i need you to make me feel better" energy but have work to do around trusting my intuition/trusting what I'm noticing, and so I have let these people stay longer in my life than they ought to have.
Beautiful read! I can rethink of an interaction I had this past year which started off well but ended up sour and It mainly happened through me losing the relationship I had with my core which in turn made me repulsive to be around. Humbling but it really exposed certain aspects I still have to work on within myself.
Another insight I got is that when there's no relationship - or a bad one at that-, you'll try to hold onto something that is outside of you - material possessions, relationships, positions etc - to feel a sense of wholeness but in reality it is your core crying out for your attention and further cultivation.
this essay is so gorgeous, i hardly have any words to describe or add to it! thank you for writing this. it makes me want to write more, better, and has mirrored back to me some reflections on presence & charisma i am excited to notice and embody more of in my life. wow!
Wow thanks so much Isabel! I’m glad it matched your own impressions and I look forward to seeing any writing you do around this topic. I think you’re super charismatic already but I guess we’re about to see a new level unleash 🤭
<3 wow, thank you so much. i have sent this to a few of my most charismatic friends today and it sparked such lovely conversations and reflections. sending you lots of gratitude and warm holiday love!!!
what type of relationship is possible with a charismatic person who is confident and doesn’t demand anything from you? is it one where you idolize the security they have but you are no different than every other person they know? maybe too cynical but i question if there might be a power dynamic
There is a difference between charisma and charm. Charismatic people persuade you to that they are worth following to the ends of the earth. Charming people persuade you that you are worth following to the ends of the earth. Both charm & charisma need self-confidence to operate. People want to be wanted, not needed.
all of thisssss esp that ending “You have to actually like people, be present, and set down whatever stands between you and vibrant, pulsing reality.” ❤️🔥
I have a bone to pick with Clinton being the beacon of charisma to which we all aspire. Do we all hoping to use and dispose of women by exploiting said “charisma” and power our whole lives? In fact, I hope to never meet a man like Clinton.
And I wonder if there’s some confusion here with charisma and leadership or power. Charisma is a glimmer, shine, glow certain people have or that certain people can have during periods of their life. It is an undefinable quality which is what makes it so alluring and sparkly. And my bet is it is purely physiological: those people we seem “charismatic” are emitting some kind of magnetic energy many, if not all of us can feel.
I think the important part here is reminding people that NOT everyone has to be charismatic. And, in terms of my life, most of the charismatic people I have met have been dangerous in terms of actually not caring about other people, but rather floating through life on a kind of dream cloud, soaking up the best of it. This article seems indicate that the benevolent charismatic is morally or downright humanly superior to others. I do not agree. And I don’t think someone can even work on increasing their charisma. It’s natural and uncontrollable.
This is such a good description of charisma. As someone who has worked very hard to improve theirs, I never really thought about it in this way.