This is strikingly similar to how classical monotheists in the broadly Platonic tradition (Plotinus, Origen, Maimonides, etc.) describe God. God is considered as perfectly self-sufficient and blessed. And yet, out of goodness, God creates the universe (either eternally and involuntarily, per the Platonists, or temporally and voluntarily, per the biblical theologians).
God needs nothing from creation. And yet somehow this doesn't lead to a conception of God as aloof. Not only is God approachable; those who approach God through theurgy, sacrament, or covenant find themselves divinized.
I don't have any really profound conclusion to draw from this. But I think it's interesting that one popular strand of ancient philosophy conceived of the ultimate principle of reality as non-needy relationship, as enjoyment that flows from intrinsic abundance rather than remedied lack.
Yeah. I think you boiled it down perfectly, to two points: a genuine desire to interact with people, and a stable core. The later is way more important imo (because everyone, to an extent, wants the former, human as social animals bla blah blah). There is also an element of novelty I think, that underlies the personality of the charismatic person, that gives the extra glow to their auras compared to the masses that blend seamlessly into the background. As if it stands in sharper contrast amidst a mostly blurry background. And actually, I think also, point 3, the abundance mindset, energy flows outwards rather than into these charisma batteries ...
Altho personally, I think it is a little more subtle. I think the charismatic does pull in your energy, aka. your attention, but they reward you for it, above and beyond what you put in.
And the opposite type is what me and my friends call the blackhole: someone that fulfills criteria 1 and 2 but is an bottomless void when it comes to demanding energy from others.
And to add a little more nuance, I think the same person often straddles the line between the two. In physics terms, energy balance needs to be maintained, and the more you capacity you have, the more you demand. So the charismatic and the blackhole are the two opposite ends of this strategy wrt to the social demands they extract along with your attention
Man this cuts deep. I used to be so charismatic when I was younger because I was innocent, I loved people and everyone fascinated me. Even boring fascinated me by how boring they were!
But I’ve been cut down by grief, I think I’ve been scared to really listen to anybody these days, god forbid I meet someone I actually like and lose them. I’ve been feeling needy and alone even when I’m with company. This is a great blueprint for finding my groove again.
This is such an interesting and enlightening post! I adore your use of archetypes here, I would have never thought to intertwine archetypes with this topic. My best friend and I recently had a conversation about why we're both charismatic people while having extremely different personalities. What I've boiled it down to is that inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy. I've noticed the times where I lose my charisma is regarding dating and romance, because I'm extremely insecure about myself in that area of my life. But in the art world and academia, I have confidence that does not exude the heaviness of desperation. It's also genuine curiousness that fuels charismatic people's attentive nature. When I'm in a regulated emotional state, I have no worries, expectations, or need for control. This freedom allows me to be curious. When I'm disregulated and anxious, I lose my capacity for curiousness because I'm searching for something to remedy my discomfort. That is when the "neediness" shines through and corrupts any remnants of my charisma. Thank you so much for this analysis, I now aspire to demand less of people and to stay curious!
I'm glad to hear it resonates. It's surprising how our charisma levels can totally vary in different aspects of our lives like you said. There's no one "charismatic personality" so as long as you're relaxed and genuine you and your friend can both be very charismatic!
There is a difference between charisma and charm. Charismatic people persuade you to that they are worth following to the ends of the earth. Charming people persuade you that you are worth following to the ends of the earth. Both charm & charisma need self-confidence to operate. People want to be wanted, not needed.
>>>>"I suspect the key to charisma is to like people."<<<<
If you look back on interactions you've had with charismatic people, feeling "liked" by them is probably the most common attribute of those interactions. For how much we all want to be liked by others-- there is surprisingly scarce advice out there which tells you to "like" others freely and frequently.
If you saw something which reminded you of that person-- tell them! If you've been thinking about something that they said to you-- tell them! If you followed a recommendation of theirs-- tell them! If you read every single post on their blog-- tell them! If you think they have the best taste in clothes-- tell them!
It's like we all adopted this weird defensive posture sometime as children where we hide how much we like and enjoy other people. It's reminds me of that oddly primal fear we have of having a best friend who does not consider you to be their best friend.
all of thisssss esp that ending “You have to actually like people, be present, and set down whatever stands between you and vibrant, pulsing reality.” ❤️🔥
This is strikingly similar to how classical monotheists in the broadly Platonic tradition (Plotinus, Origen, Maimonides, etc.) describe God. God is considered as perfectly self-sufficient and blessed. And yet, out of goodness, God creates the universe (either eternally and involuntarily, per the Platonists, or temporally and voluntarily, per the biblical theologians).
God needs nothing from creation. And yet somehow this doesn't lead to a conception of God as aloof. Not only is God approachable; those who approach God through theurgy, sacrament, or covenant find themselves divinized.
I don't have any really profound conclusion to draw from this. But I think it's interesting that one popular strand of ancient philosophy conceived of the ultimate principle of reality as non-needy relationship, as enjoyment that flows from intrinsic abundance rather than remedied lack.
Yeah. I think you boiled it down perfectly, to two points: a genuine desire to interact with people, and a stable core. The later is way more important imo (because everyone, to an extent, wants the former, human as social animals bla blah blah). There is also an element of novelty I think, that underlies the personality of the charismatic person, that gives the extra glow to their auras compared to the masses that blend seamlessly into the background. As if it stands in sharper contrast amidst a mostly blurry background. And actually, I think also, point 3, the abundance mindset, energy flows outwards rather than into these charisma batteries ...
Altho personally, I think it is a little more subtle. I think the charismatic does pull in your energy, aka. your attention, but they reward you for it, above and beyond what you put in.
And the opposite type is what me and my friends call the blackhole: someone that fulfills criteria 1 and 2 but is an bottomless void when it comes to demanding energy from others.
And to add a little more nuance, I think the same person often straddles the line between the two. In physics terms, energy balance needs to be maintained, and the more you capacity you have, the more you demand. So the charismatic and the blackhole are the two opposite ends of this strategy wrt to the social demands they extract along with your attention
It is incredibly frustrating to be stuck at that threshold.
Man this cuts deep. I used to be so charismatic when I was younger because I was innocent, I loved people and everyone fascinated me. Even boring fascinated me by how boring they were!
But I’ve been cut down by grief, I think I’ve been scared to really listen to anybody these days, god forbid I meet someone I actually like and lose them. I’ve been feeling needy and alone even when I’m with company. This is a great blueprint for finding my groove again.
Yeah, the last time I generally, GENUINELY liked people (besides my home church and a few close friends), was decades ago, when I was a preteen
This is such an interesting and enlightening post! I adore your use of archetypes here, I would have never thought to intertwine archetypes with this topic. My best friend and I recently had a conversation about why we're both charismatic people while having extremely different personalities. What I've boiled it down to is that inner security you mentioned, it garners respect, congruence, and transparency that people seem to really enjoy. I've noticed the times where I lose my charisma is regarding dating and romance, because I'm extremely insecure about myself in that area of my life. But in the art world and academia, I have confidence that does not exude the heaviness of desperation. It's also genuine curiousness that fuels charismatic people's attentive nature. When I'm in a regulated emotional state, I have no worries, expectations, or need for control. This freedom allows me to be curious. When I'm disregulated and anxious, I lose my capacity for curiousness because I'm searching for something to remedy my discomfort. That is when the "neediness" shines through and corrupts any remnants of my charisma. Thank you so much for this analysis, I now aspire to demand less of people and to stay curious!
I'm glad to hear it resonates. It's surprising how our charisma levels can totally vary in different aspects of our lives like you said. There's no one "charismatic personality" so as long as you're relaxed and genuine you and your friend can both be very charismatic!
“The most likable, charismatic, enjoyable people to be around are people who demand nothing of you.”
Outcome independence.
This is such a good description of charisma. As someone who has worked very hard to improve theirs, I never really thought about it in this way.
im stealing this image for my next post, i apologize
Love the way you described it. I’ve felt the same way but never put it in those exact words.
There is a difference between charisma and charm. Charismatic people persuade you to that they are worth following to the ends of the earth. Charming people persuade you that you are worth following to the ends of the earth. Both charm & charisma need self-confidence to operate. People want to be wanted, not needed.
>>>>"I suspect the key to charisma is to like people."<<<<
If you look back on interactions you've had with charismatic people, feeling "liked" by them is probably the most common attribute of those interactions. For how much we all want to be liked by others-- there is surprisingly scarce advice out there which tells you to "like" others freely and frequently.
If you saw something which reminded you of that person-- tell them! If you've been thinking about something that they said to you-- tell them! If you followed a recommendation of theirs-- tell them! If you read every single post on their blog-- tell them! If you think they have the best taste in clothes-- tell them!
It's like we all adopted this weird defensive posture sometime as children where we hide how much we like and enjoy other people. It's reminds me of that oddly primal fear we have of having a best friend who does not consider you to be their best friend.
let goooooo of expectations and life feels so free✨
I like to say charisma is the ability to evoke emotion in others. It's a highly neutral term for such a charged state.
Really enjoyed this and agree with every word!
Boredom is a state of mind, not a state of condition. (Perhaps look within?)
all of thisssss esp that ending “You have to actually like people, be present, and set down whatever stands between you and vibrant, pulsing reality.” ❤️🔥
Ill read this… eventually